Chapter Thirty-Three: Single and Free

The kids, Curt and I later found a small trailer that was supposed to be temporary living. It was cheap, so we should’ve been able to maintain it while saving up for a better apartment – but the problem was Curt kept spending money on stupid stuff like books, cigarettes and takeout instead of taking food to work or using a library. It got to the point that he was taking money from the envelopes I was using for rent and bill money, and spent it on himself.

I made the mistake of adding him to my Regions and PayPal accounts, because later he would try to use his Regions card, and when it declined he would use the PayPal card as credit, which would later draw from my bank account whether I had money in it or not. After it went $-900 negative and my PayPal was almost $-200 negative, I closed it all out and decided to fix it later.

I was working at Waffle House and Winn-Dixie’s bakery at this point, and Curt tried Waffle House, didn’t like it, quit, and went home to read and smoke. He was getting only serving jobs instead of real job that actually paid, so the bulk of the income was from my job at Winn-Dixie. Thankfully, Winn-Dixie still gave the option to cash paychecks at the service desks, so bank accounts weren’t a problem – but he kept taking the cash from the envelopes, so money was a problem.

I got fed up. I couldn’t stand him anymore. He was bringing drugs into the house, getting me drugged up because he wanted sex, and was smoking in the house…I didn’t want my kids around that. He started asking his friend “Rob” to babysit for us, and it worked well for a while, but in all the mess and frustration I ended up having an affair with Rob. Maybe it was the exposure to drugs, maybe it was just a need for an escape. There was no chance of a relationship with Rob, our views were too different, as were our goals, but it seemed like what happened was just something we both needed at the time.

But that didn’t last long. Curt, having been sharing my laptop for the last 2 years, accessed my email and saw where I had told my sister about the affair. He got so angry, so violent, he threw things around the living room, screamed at me, slapped me, called me a backstabbing whore, destroyed a door…anything he could do to get attention, to own the stage (he did major in acting, after all). But then he took my phone, my laptop, all my electronic communications, and then my car. He went to find Rob at a mutual friend’s house, punched Rob in the face and then broke down into what was described to me as “the most fake breakdown of tears I’ve ever seen

In hindsight, when I borrowed a neighbor’s phone to call and warn Rob, I should have also called the police and reported my car as stolen.

Our friends got Curt calmed down, and when he returned back to the trailer, he demanded that we take a family photo on the couch for Facebook. I guess he was trying to force the relationship back to where he thought it used to be.

Fake smiles all around. 06.09.2012

He even demanded that I sleep with him, trying to “overwrite” everything I had done with Rob by doing those things with him, which I did not want to do – but guess what? It happened anyway, much to my disgust.

I should’ve called the police and reported rape, but again, I was young and dumb, and didn’t know what power I really had.

When all of it was over, Curt said he wanted to go back to university, and that’s when I made my plan.

I helped him get his re-application done, as well as financial aid and student loans, got him a credit card from Capital One to pay the schools a fee he owed, made sure he had a place to stay, and waited.

Curt borrowed $2,000 from a friend to pay his initial expenses for getting to the university. I was the one who picked it up, so instead of giving him the full amount, I gave his share of the living expenses to his roommate, and the rest to his college card via greendot transfers. He got SO upset with me because “he had plans for that money” but I just wanted to make sure he didn’t need to come back to Panama City, where I was.

I waited again until he got a job. Once I knew he was registered for classes, had a place to stay, and a steady income, I dropped all of his stuff off at his dad’s house and broke up with him through email.

August of 2012.

FREEDOM

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