Chapter Twenty-Three: Wrong Turn

I’ll be honest, the only reason I agreed to a “relationship” with Curt was because I knew he couldn’t outsmart me or screw me over. I could be in control this time, and that’s exactly what I did. I controlled the money, the plans, everything – and I honestly managed it fairly well. The issue was that he preferred to buy books at retail price rather than go to a library or buy them online or on sale somewhere, and he smoked and drank a lot, and ate a lot of takeout. He spent so much money on useless crap, it’s no wonder he couldn’t save up for something other than a motel room.

We had a rough start trying to get out of that hotel, to be honest. We were there from March – July 2010, when a frienemy offered to take us in. I didn’t trust it, and I told Curt,

“I would rather live on the streets than to live with her. She’s a ticking time bomb, explosive anger, alcoholic, just plain mean. I don’t want to be around that”

But he pointed out that we had no other options, so I reluctantly went, and tried to make the best of it – but what it was, mostly, was me walking on eggshells and having severe anxiety whenever I was alone with her.

Within the first week, I found myself getting very, very drunk. Grim came around a lot, which was a comfort, but he had a habit of taking extra effort to avoid conflict – to the extent that he’s walked out on violent situations entirely, leaving me there to deal with it alone. It wasn’t exactly reassuring. I knew that something was up. On July 18, 2010, I ended up getting Xanax mixed into my White Zin, I smoked my first joint, and I was later completely destroyed, vomiting from the mixture with medication (which wasn’t actually mine – she’d slipped it into my drink) and after vomiting to the point that I’d passed out, I woke up in the wee hours of the early morning to the sound of someone beating on the apartment door.

It was Gypsy. My two year old son was in the ICU.

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