So in February 2004, I found myself unexpectedly enamored with a 17 year old boy I had never even met – only seen. I was 15, for crying out loud! And a freshman! I knew he was older than me – he was too familiar and comfortable with the school and it’s students. I had to find out more about him before I approached him directly. So, naturally, I began to insert myself into his circle of friends.
Slowly but surely, over the next month I integrated myself into the group – naturally accepted as an outcast – and began asking them about him. I learned his name (I’m not telling you), age, and grade – he was a junior, go figure. (He’ll never talk to me!) So I figured the best way to express myself without having to embarrass myself would be to write a note (aren’t I so mature?). It was simple enough, I think.
Dear Grim, March 13, 2004
I’m really shy and just wanted to tell you that I like you, and that I’ve been weighing at about 70%/30% on whether or not to ask for a kiss.
That should do it. I gave it to him just before he left on the bus that afternoon.
Over the next 2 days, I’d realized what I had done. He kept trying to kiss me! I was ducking him at every turn, running, hiding – I was far too nervous to face him. On the third day – March 16, 2004 – he asked me during lunch if I would go for a walk with him. We walked through what felt like every other building on the school grounds until we reached the entrance to a stairwell. He opened the door for me and we walked to the bottom, where he stood in front of the exit.
“That door” He told me, pointing to the door at the top of the stairs, “locks from the inside. You can’t go back.”
“This door” He threw his thumb over his shoulder, “locks on the outside. No one can come in.”
He trapped me. I ran to the only place I could find, buried my face in my hands, and refused to face him. I could feel his presence moving towards me even though he made no sound. I turned slightly in an attempt to face him, but all I could do was note the clothes we were wearing: He was dressed in the color blue today. I was in green. I was shaking. Badly. I couldn’t face him. I felt his hand on my chin, a gentle pull upwards leading me directly into his kiss. Our kiss. My first kiss. I was completely lost.